#24-4 Personal Advice from the Crustacean Resource Advice Bureau (C.R.A.B)
In which the E@L advises an admirer to dine with the Yeti crab, not on it
Among other duties, your Ecologist@Large also functions as the Personal Advice Guru for carcinophiles (those who like crustaceans), which falls under the Crustacean Resource Advice Bureau (aka C.R.A.B). Recently, I received an inquiry from someone seeking advice concerning their carcinophilic interests in the Yeti crab. Her inquiry and my response follow, although the sender’s name has been removed to protect the innocent. Also, BTW, I’M NOT MAKING THIS UP. It really happened.
Hello Mr. CRAB,
My name is [Censored], and I am writing to you in a great time of need. The people deserve to know, how would one cook a yeti crab? They live in around 700 degree climates if I'm not mistaken, so how would you cook them? It's not like boiling them is going to do anything. That's just a regular Sunday afternoon for them. Would you have to bake them instead? Crack open the shell and then boil it? I don't think anyone's actually eaten one, but let it be known I'd like to be the first. They look pretty tasty to me. Unrelated, I am now a new fan of your crab blog. It's so fun! #1 crab man fan.
Thanks so much!
Dear Fan. What an interesting question! Apparently, you already know a few things about the Yeti crab. Such as the fact that it lives in very deep ocean waters (2200 m, over 7000 feet deep). And that it is found primarily near extremely hot vents. Its scientific name (Kiwa hursuta) refers to Kiwa, one of the Maori ocean divinities, or the Polynesian goddess of shellfish; the word hirsuta means hairy, and gives rise to its common name, the Yeti crab. Kiwa also means "born near the border" in Japanese, which is also appropriate, because Yeti crabs live in a very narrow habitat on the border of underwater volcanic thermal vents. They don't actually live in the hot water (which would boil them), but just close enough to obtain the sulfur and methane needed to feed the bacteria that thrive in the hair-like setae that grow all over their bodies. Some scientists think they derive much of their nutrition from these bacteria.
Which brings us back to your question. How would you cook them? My answer is: Why would you want to? First, living in an atmosphere of (and possibly feeding on) sulfur and methane, they would probably taste like rotten eggs. Yuck! Second, it's fairly small, only about 6 inches long, and it doesn't have large legs or claws like other crabs. But a better reason is that crabs and other animals that live in such deep, inhospitable, conditions typically have very long lives and very low reproductive rates. And it may take a long time to replace any that are removed or killed. So there is really no reason for us to try to capture and eat organisms that live at such depths. It would be much better for us to find ways to conserve their populations. Someday their genome might provide valuable information about how to fight disease or adapt to climate change. And besides, isn't the world a better place with Yeti crabs in it? In fact, we should seriously consider applying that ethic to other deep sea animals, such as the Antarctic toothfish marketed as Chilean Sea bass, as well as some king crabs. Perhaps fish and crabs that live below certain depths should be off-limits to commercial exploitation. Which is ironic coming from someone who has spent most of his career studying deep sea crabs.
Cheers,
Good morning,
How blind have I been? I was so entranced if I could eat the yeti crab, I never considered if I should eat the yeti crab! Instead of “why the yeti crab” I should have been asking “how’s the yeti crab”. Perhaps I will invite one to a candlelit dinner (crab will NOT be on the menu). Do you have a P.O box by chance? I have some crab paraphernalia you may be interested in. If not completely ok, the crabs will live on in our hearts. Thanks for the insight!
Dear Fan. I think that is a great idea, especially since Valentine’s day is coming up. For dinner items you might want to consider an onion volcano, steamed shrimp, or smoked mussels, all of which would make Yeti feel right at home. Although Yeti is probably blind, some crabs that live at great depths may be able to detect bioluminescence produced by detritivores (such as the worms that eat dead whale carcasses), which may attract crabs to their food source. I'm NOT suggesting serving dead whale with worms for dinner, that would be gross. But maybe putting some fireflies in a jar would enhance the ambience. And don't forget your lava lamps. For a wine pairing, may I suggest either the Crab Tomalley from Teutonic Wine Company, or the Blue Crab Blanc, from Ingleside Vineyards. Both should be perfect complements for a romantic seafood dinner. As for mood music, I would suggest Atlantis by Donovan, Octopus's Garden by the Beatles, and, of course, Under the Sea from The Little Mermaid. Since the last one is sung by a crab, it should be super appropriate. I’m sure Yeti would be very pleased. Happy Dining!
PS Skip the chocolates, I don’t think Yeti would like them, but he might love the smell of roses.
PPS Thanks for the offer, but my house is overflowing with crab paraphernalia already.